Fox News: Gutfeld: These liberals are in agony

‘Gutfeld!’ panelists reacted to a study that found higher rates of depression among young liberals than young conservatives.
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Transcript

[CHUCKLES] YEAH. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. I WANT YOUR HANDS TO LEAD. I’M KIDDING. IT MAYBE. HAPPY THURSDAY, EVERYBODY. IT IS A GLORIOUS THURSDAY. TONIGHT’S BIG QUESTION, WHY ARE YOUNG LIBERALS SO DEPRESSED ESPECIALLY WHEN COMPARED TO THEIR WRITING REPORTS. THE STUDIES SHOW IT AND YOU CAN SEE IT FOR YOURSELVES, THESE

PEOPLE LOOK LIKE THEY ARE HAVING A GOOD DAY? MAYBE. IF YOU DEFINE A GOOD DAY AS RESTING YOUR GENERAL TOOLS IN A BOWL OF BATTERY ACID. DON’T KNOCK IT. SO WHAT IS BEHIND THIS AGONY? ARE THEY LIBERALS BECAUSE THEY ARE DEPRESSED OR ARE THEY DEPRESSED BECAUSE THEY ARE LIBERALS?

IT IS THE OLD WHAT CAME FIRST, THE RESPONSIBLY RAISED CHICKEN OR THE ORGANIC EGG? THE QUICK ANSWER, THEY ARE NOT WATCHING THE PROGRAMS LIKE THIS. I’M SURPRISED COLBERT’S CREDITS DON’T END WITH HOW TO TIE A NOOSE. [LAUGHTER] VERY DEPRESSING. IT IS ALMOST LIKE CRIED. TO GET TO THE BOTTOM, YOU NEED A

FORMER LEFTY. THIS WEEK, A 2022 ACADEMIC PAPER TITLED THE POLITICS OF DEPRESSION WHICH COMES COMPLETE WITH A BEAUTIFUL CHART. YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST ANYTHING WITH A CHART THAT HAS COLORS AND NUMBERS AND LINES. SOMETIMES THEY ARE EVEN SHAPED LIKE PIES SO THAT PEOPLE CAN UNDERSTAND THEM. [LAUGHTER] >> [INDISTINCT] WOULD SAY.

>> Greg: EVERYONE WHO LAUGHED AT THAT JOKE HAS TO WIN. THERE’S LOTS GOING ON SO LET ME SIMPLIFY IT FOR YOU. THE LIGHT AT THE TOP, THOSE ARE FEMALE LIBERALS. THEIR DEPRESSION LEVELS HAVE GONE UP FASTER THAN THE PRICE OF HAMBURGER AFTER JOE BIDEN. THEY ARE THE MOST DEPRESSED. UNDERNEATH THEM, MALE LIBERALS,

WHICH MAKES SENSE. THEY ARE NEVER ON TOP OF ANYTHING. [LAUGHTER] YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING, HUH? THANK YOU. BUT THE LEAST DEPRESSED, CONSERVATIVES, MEN AND WOMEN. WHAT IS THE DEAL? IGLESIAS WRITES, SOME OF IT MAY BE SELECTION EFFECT WITH PROGRESSIVE POLITICS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE MIZRO. MISERABLE.

TO PUT THAT IN ENGLISH, ADULT LIBERALS INCENTIVIZE MISERY. THE WORST YOU FEEL AND THE MORE YOU EXPRESS IT THE BETTER YOU DO IN THE CIRCLES AS MATT POINTS OUT. THE LEFT LOVE’S MISERY AND PART OF THEIR KINK IS SHARING IT WITH YOUNG PEOPLE. THEY HAVE PROMISES OF ATTENTION AND STREET CREDIT.

HERE IS THEIR MATING CARD. >> THE CORPORATIONS CHOSEN! THAT IS NOT RIGHT! THAT IS NOT FAIR! >> WHEN LIBERALS PUSH THE IDEA THAT SOCIAL INJUSTICE EXISTS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU, OF COURSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE DEPRESSED. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU MIGHT GET YOUR OWN SHOW ON MSNBC.

BUT IT IS A SELF-FULFILLING CYCLE. TEENS WALK ON EGGSHELLS WORRY ABOUT HOW INNOCENT WORDS MAY GET THEM CANCELED. MINORITIES ARE TOLD THEY WILL NEVER SUCCEED ON THEIR OWN AND GETS KEEP MAKING GRILLED CHEESE ON GAS POWERED STOVES NO WONDER WHY EVERYONE IS DEPRESSED. GRETA SUNDBERG WAS ASKED TO LEAVE A CHUCKY CHEESE.

THAT IS NOT A TRUE STORY BECAUSE IT MATTERED. IT IS NOT A CHICKEN OR EGG QUESTION. IT IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOR. ONCE YOUR GROME IT GETS A SPOTLIGHT, YOU TURN IT UP TO 11. THEY ARE TOLD THE WORLD SUCKS, THERE’S NO WAY TO WIN AND THEN YOU GET REWARDED FOR EMBRACING VICTIMHOOD.

THAT IS HOW YOU GET JESSE’S MILLETT. IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED, IT IS NOT IN RALLIES OR PROTESTS. IT IS AT FOOTBALL GAMES, HALLOWEEN PARTIES, BARBECUES, GUN RANGES, PEOPLE WATCHING RAUNCHY COMEDIES OR LISTENING TO THE COMEDIANS. IT IS PEOPLE HAVING FUN AND IT IS JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT

YOUNG LEFTISTS SEEK TO BAN. LOCALISM IS NOT JUST AN ATTACK ON REASON. IT IS AN ATTACK ON FUN. SO YOU YOUNG DEPRESSED LEFTIES WATCHING AND THERE’S GOT TO BE AT LEAST THREE OF YOU WHO TUNED IN, TO LEARN ABOUT RELIEF AFTER. REMEMBER THE OLD ADAGE, MISERY LOVES COMPANY AND THAT COMPANY

YOU DON’T WANT TO KEEP. HAPPINESS IS THERE IF YOU WANT IT. IT IS JUST HARDER THAN CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. LET US WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS. HE MARRIED A MAN NAMED DAVID TO SAVE ON TOWEL EMBROIDERY. DAVE RUBIN. [APPLAUSE] HE IS BUSTED MORE GUTS THEN BAD CHEESE. HOST OF THE SUPER MAXIMUM RETRO

SHOW ON ADVICE, CHRIS DISTEFANO. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SHE HAS GOT MORE TOP 10 BRUCE LEE EATING AT A STEAKHOUSE. CATCH HIM. AND FINALLY MY SIDEKICK, TYRUS. [APPLAUSE] DAVE, HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS NOW? >> SIX MONTHS AND FOUR MONTHS. THEY ARE NOT DEPRESSED YET. >> Greg: NO THEY ARE NOT.

VERY LIBERAL PARENTS, I WATCHED FAMILY TIES WHERE I GET A LOT OF MY STUFF. IF YOU ARE A LIBERAL, THEN YOUR KIDS END UP BEING A CONSERVATIVE. WHAT HAPPENS — ARE YOU WORRIED YOU MIGHT BE DEPRESSED? >> I GREW UP WATCHING “THE JEFFERSONS.” WHERE WOULD THAT PUT ME?

>> Greg: YOU ARE MOVING TO CHICAGO IN THE EAST SIDE. THE APARTMENT IN THE SKY. >> I THINK MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH DRUGS BECAUSE MAYBE THEY ARE TAKING THE WRONG DRUGS, THE KIDS, RIGHT? I COME FROM THE FREE STATE OF FLORIDA. I ONLY COME BACK TO NEW YORK TO

SEE YOU AND DO THE NUMBER ONE SHOW IN LATE-NIGHT TELEVISION. EVERYONE IS HAPPY. AND HIS FREEDOM AND ALL THAT AND I COME HERE AND IT SMELLS LIKE WEED EVERYWHERE. I COME TO. >> AND MY DATE WITH THE WEED, EVERYONE WAS GIGGLING AND LAUGHING. BUT EVERYONE SEEMS DEPRESSED. >> Greg: I DON’T NECESSARILY SEE

A CORRELATION THERE, BUT I WILL ADMIT IT IS DEFINITELY NOT LIKE THE WEED OF THE SAME BEES. ALTER IS SUPERPOWERFUL AND IT DOES MESS WITH YOUR BRAIN. I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I’M ON IT RIGHT NOW. >> IT IS NOT LIKE YOU SMOKE A TON OF WHEAT WITH HILMAR A

COUPLE DAYS AGO AND EVERYONE SAW THAT. [APPLAUSE] >> Greg: THAT WAS A LIGHTWEIGHT. >> CHEECH AND CHONG’S. >> Greg: MY THEORY WITH DRUGS IS WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE SUCCESSFUL. IF YOU DO THE DRUGS BEFORE YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL, YOU WILL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL. TREAT POT LIKE A MARTINI.

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT A POLE AND THIS JERK STARTS TALK ABOUT WEED. DO YOU BY HIS THEORY? >> A WANT TO SAY IT IS MY FIRST TIME EVER ON THE SHOW SO I’M PROUD TO FINALLY BE ON “GUTFELD!” SECOND OF ALL, DID YOU SEE KIDS SIX MONTHS OLD AND FOUR MONTHS OLD?

THAT IS THE DEFINITION. [LAUGHTER] HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? >> SCIENCE, MY FRIEND. >> OH, THE TUBE MAYBE. >> MY WIFE IS PUERTO RICAN. I THOUGHT, THAT IS A VERY PUERTO RICAN THING I GOT THREE LITTLE LATINO KIDS. DUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT? NOW WE BOTH — […]. JUST ME. JUST ME. JUST ME.

SO WHAT WAS THE QUESTION, GREG? >> Greg: I DON’T KNOW. >> WE ARE ALL DOING OUR OWN BIDS. >> Greg: IS JUST ONE SIDE OF THAT IS DEPRESSED? >> I THINK PERSONALLY EVERYBODY IS DEPRESSED. OKAY? MAYBE ONE MORE THAN THE OTHER. I THINK EVERYONE IS THE PROSPECT

I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE 24-HOUR NEWS CYCLE. YOU ONLY WATCH THE NEWS WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY. THEY HAVE TO HER CHERRY-PICKING STORIES. THEN THEY ARE IN BED WITH THE AD COMPANIES. AFTER APPLEBEE’S TO FOR 20, WE ARE STUFFING QUESADILLA BURGERS IN YOUR MOUTH.

>> Greg: I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THAT. >> I WANT TO SLEEP OVER AT THEIR HOUSE WITH NO FEE BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING RICH OFF OF APPLEBEE’S. >> Greg: EXCELLENT APPETIZERS, BY THE WAY. >> I LOVE IT. >> Greg: KAT, DO YOU AGREE? COULD IT BE DRUGS? ARE YOU MIMING LATER?

>> NO. ALSO, I LOOK AWESOME. KIND OF INFECTED EVERYTHING. OKAY, I WATCH THE BACHELOR AND I NOTICE THIS SEASON THIS, THIS NEW FORMAT WHERE ON THE ONE ON ONE DATES THERE’S A FUN DAY DATE AND THEN HE TAKES HER OUT TO DINNER AND THEN THE GIRL SHARES SOME TRAUMATIC STORY ABOUT HER LIFE.

WHERE SHE IS A SINGLE MOM TRYING TO RAISE A KINDERGARTNER ALONE OR HER MOM AND HER DON’T SPEAK OR HER LAST RELATIONSHIP WAS HORRIFICALLY ABUSIVE AND THEN HE THANKED HER FOR BEING VULNERABLE AND THEN THEY MAKE OUT THROUGH THE TEARS AND HANDS HER A ROSE. AND AFTER I WATCH THIS FOR THE

SIXTH TIME, I WAS ASKING MYSELF, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THE GIRL WAS LIKE, EVERYTHING IS PRETTY GOOD. MY FAMILY LOVES ME. MY PARENTS ARE STILL TOGETHER. MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ENDED BECAUSE, LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE WANTED DIFFERENT THINGS. WOULD HE NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO AT THIS POINT?

I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE EXPECTED TO NEED TO HAVE THIS KIND OF TRAUMA OR ELSE YOU DON’T DESERVE ANY RESPECT. SO I THINK IT IS ALMOST AS IF THEY ARE GOING INTO THIS LIKE OKAY, THIS DATE ON TV, WHAT IS THE SADDEST [BLEEP] FROM MY LIFE

THAT I COULD DRAG UP AND CRY SO THAT HE WILL LIKE ME? >> Greg: WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT IS THE SAME THING. IT IS INCENTIVIZING A BEHAVIOR PRACTICE AND HOT WOMEN DON’T NEED TRAUMA. THEY ARE HOT. >> SMOKING HOT? >> Greg: YES. >> I’M AGREEING WITH YOU.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS EITHER. I JUST YELL IT BECAUSE I LOVE HOT WOMEN AND GUYS AND GUYS. >> Greg: EXACTLY. YOU DON’T EVEN SEE GENDER AS EATING. >> I DON’T. I’M A “THEYBY.” >> Greg: TYRUS, WHAT IS YOUR TAKE? >> IT IS NOT THAT WE’D. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PUERTO

RICAN AND HAVE THREE KIDS NEXT TO EACH OTHER. WE GOT THAT COVERED. THE BALL. YOU. WHAT MESSES UP A GOOD WEED PARTY WHEN A LIBERAL GUY COMES IN. EVERYONE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME. YO, MAN, THEY ARE POLAR BEARS ARE GOING TO DIE. GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

IT IS WHAT THEY DO BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO. IT IS ATTENTION. THEY NEED THAT ATTENTION. THEY LIVE IN THE FIRST WORLD. THEY DON’T HAVE REAL PROBLEMS. THEY ARE NOT LIKE, MY LIGHT BILL IS GOING TO CUT OFF, CAN I PLUG IN MY EXTENSION CORD? THAT IS A REAL PROBLEM.

THEY DON’T HAVE REAL PROBLEMS. I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW. I REALIZED TODAY THAT I WAS MORE CAUCASIAN AND THERE’S A GOOD CHANCE MY GREAT GREAT GRANDFATHER OWNED SLAVES. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! THAT IS NOT A REAL PROBLEM. BE LIKE US. GO OUTSIDE. TRYING TO DO E-SPORTS. GO CAMPING, FISHING, PLAY WITH

YOUR KIDS WITHOUT A TABLET ATTACHED. WE GO OUTSIDE. THAT IS WHY WE DON’T HAVE THESE PROBLEMS AND YOU CAN TURN THE NEWS ON AND JUST GO OUTSIDE. TRY IT. MAYBE NOT IN NEW YORK SO MUCH, BUT GO OUTSIDE. [APPLAUSE] >> Greg: THAT WAS THE PROBLEM WITH THE LOCK DOWN.

THE LOCK DOWN FORCE PEOPLE TO GO BACK INSIDE AND YOU SAW MORE DEPRESSION. THEY WERE NOT OUTSIDE GETTING VITAMIN E. AND WHEN YOU ARE HOME WATCHING 24 HOURS OF ANYTHING WHETHER IT IS “THE BACHELOR” OR THE GREATEST CABLE NEWS STATION IN THE WORLD, FOX NEW

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