Fox News: Gutfeld: ‘The View’ is pretending we don’t exist

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld goes over this week’s leftovers and ‘Gutfeld!’ panelists react to co-hosts of ‘The View’ claiming they’ve never heard of Gutfeld.

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Transcript

>> Greg: OH, YOU PEOPLE! YOU PEOPLE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] IT’S FRIDAY, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. WE GIVE EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE KILMEADE’S CREDIT CARD NUMBER! HAVE AT IT! ALL RIGHT. NO. LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS. HE SECRETLY HATES BEING THE SECOND SEXIEST GUY AT FOX. COHOST OF FOX AT FRED’S WEEKEND, PETE.

HER SELF-DEFENSE AGAINST THE LEFT IS COMMON SENSE, COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR AND NEVER-BACK-DOWN ERIN PER REINE. SHE’S LIKE COTTAGE CHEESE, WHITE, LOW IN FAT AND POPULAR AT REST HOMES, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF. AND AIR TRAFFIC OVERJAM K’S CONSTANTLY TELLING HIM TO DUCK. MY MASSIVE SIDEKICK AND THE MWA WORLD CHAMPION TYRUS. ALL RIGHT.

WE HAVE STARTED! BUT BEFORE WE GET TO SOME NEWS STORIES, IT’S FRIDAY, SO LET’S DO THIS… >> GREG’S LEFTOVERS. >> Greg: I DON’T KNOW, MAN. I’M WEARING A TURTLENECK AND IT’S ALMOST SUMMER. MAYBE I’M HIDING SOMETHING. >> MAYBE YOU’RE A POET. >> I’M NOT SAYING THE SECOND PART. ALL RIGHT, LEFTOVERS WHERE I

READ THE JOKES THAT WE DIDN’T USE THIS WEEK. IF THESE SUCK, WE’LL TAR AND FEATHER A WRITER RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW AND PUSH HIM INTO THE WATER AND WATCH HIM DROWN. HA-HA! HERE WE GO. PLEASE BE GOOD. THIS WEEK, PRESIDENT BIDEN WELCOMED INDIAN PRIME MINISTER TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

“IT’S THE LEAST I CAN DO,,” SAID , JOE JOE, “AFTER WE STOLE ALL THEIR LAND.” ON TUESDAY, THE PRESIDENT HOSTED A FORUM ABOUT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE WITH TECH LEADERS IN SF WHEN ASKED WHAT THE MOST POSITIVE PART OF THE TRIP WAS, HE SAID, “I GUESS BEING IN A CITY WHERE NOBODY YELLED AT ME

FOR TAKING A DUMP ON THE SIDEWALK.” THAT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S TRUE! SAUSAGE MAKER JOHNSONVILLE IS RECALLING MORE THAN 42,000 POUNDS OF PORK SAUSAGE FOR POSSIBLE CONTAMINATION WITH PLASTIC FIBERS. FORTUNATELY, AUTHORITIES WERE ABLE TO TRACK ALL 240,000 POUNDS TO A SINGLE LOCATION IN NEW YORK CITY. YOU PEOPLE! DISGUSTING.

A FLORIDA WOMAN WEARING ONLY A TOWEL AND DRINKING A FOUR LOKO — STOP ME THERE — WAS ARRESTED FOR ALLEGEDLY LETTING KIDS PHOTOGRAPH HER NAKED IN A DOLLAR GENERAL PARKING LOT. SHE’S SINCE BEEN PROMOTED THE HEAD OF FLORIDA TOURISM. YEAH. INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY PREMIER IN L.A. THIS WEEK.

I DON’T WANT TO GIVE AWAY THE PLOT BUT THE ANCIENT RELIC HE’S LOOKING FOR THIS TIME IS HORRIFYING. GOOD NEWS FOR THE OAKLAND A’S, NEVADA APPROVED $380 MILLION TO BUILD A NEW STADIUM IN LAS VEGAS. IT’LL BE JUST LIKE THE REGULAR STADIUM EXCEPT FANS WILL BE ABLE TO BUY HOOKERS.

SECTION OF I-95 IN IN PHILLY THAT COLLAPSED WILL BE REBUILT IN TWO WEEKS. IT WAS REVEALED RECENTLY THE U.S. RANKED 60TH IN THE WORLD IN PENIS SIZE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EVEN HIGHER BUT THE AVERAGE WAS THROWN OFF BY A SINGLE PARTICIPANT. I DON’T KNOW IF THAT MEANS HIGHER OR LOWER.

I THINK HIGHER MEANS LOWER OR JUST HIGHER MEANS UPPER OR LOWER MEANS BAD. >> NO MATTER HOW YOU SWING T THEY GOT YOU. — SWING IT, THEY GOT YOU. >> A BRITISH FAMILY WAS STUNNED AFTER ITS PET TORTOISE WAS FOUND FILES MYLES FROM HOME AFTER MISSING FOR TWO YEARS.

WHEN ASKED FOR AN EXPLANATION, THE TORTOISE SAID “I HAVE NO IDEA, IT APP ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.” LAPD DRUG DOG IS BEING HAILED AS A HERO AFTER SNIFFING OUT 1,500 POUNDS OF HEROIN, KILOGRAM OF FENTANYL AND AN ASSAULT RIFLE INSIDE OF A VENDING MACHINE. ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON IS

THAT’S ONE HELL OF A VENDING MACHINE. WE NEED ONE OF THOSE. ACCORDING TO AN IR IRS WHISTLE-BLOWER, HUNTER BIDEN MADE IMPROPER TAX DEDUCTIONS ON TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS HE SPENT ON HOOKERS AND A SEX CLUB. WAIT! YOU MEAN, I’M SUPPOSED TO PAY TAXES ON THAT STUFF?

AS FOR SEX CLUBS, I KEEP MINE IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT. >> CLUB! HA-HA. CLUBBER! >> Greg: YES. THE SAME FOUR TRANSIT COPS NABBED AN ACCUSED MURDERER AND SUSPECTED SERIAL SLASHER IN NYC IN A 24-HOUR PERIOD. ADVOCATES OF DEFUNDING THE POLICE RESPONDED SAYING, “SEE? WE ONLY NEED FOUR COPS!” THAT WAS CUTE!

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? NOPE. I DON’T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY CLAPTER! I’M NOT WHATEVER THAT OTHER SHOW IS. OK, FINALLY, MATH AND READING SCORES FOR 13-YEAR-OLDS IN THE U.S. HAVE HIT THE LOWEST LEVELS IN DECADES. BUT DON’T WORRY, THOSE KIDS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT EVEN MEANS. ALL RIGHT. CLAP FOR THE ILLITERATE

CHILDREN. CLAP FOR THE MORON KIDS. NOW TO SOME NEWS, THE FERAL MONSTERS OF “THE VIEW” SAY THEY’VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU KNOW WHO. TRUE, THE SHOW THAT MAKES MORNINGS HELL CLAIMED THAT MY NAME DOESN’T RING A BELL. IT’S TIME FOR… ♪♪ OUR VIEW ON “THE VIEW.” UGH! >> Greg: YEAH, THE WITCHES’

COVEN FINALLY SHOWS ME SOME LOVING. YESTERDAY ON “THE VIEW” THEY SHOWED ME CONSIDERATION. THE BROADS HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM OR SO THEY SAY. >> THEY SAID GUTFELD TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME. >> WHO IS HE? REALLY. WHO IS HE? I DON’T WATCH THE SHOW. I NEVER HEARD OF IT.

I GUESS HE’S JUST OBSESSED WITH ME. YES. >> Greg: THEN SHE’LL SAY SHE NEVER HEARD OF CARBS. SERIOUSLY, HER DENIAL OF KNOWING ME IS AS BELIEVABLE AS HER RED HAIR. BUT OBSESSION? I MEAN, COME ON, JOY. WHERE WOULD YOU EVEN GET THAT IDEA? LIKE JOY BAYHAR’S FACE, IT’S

LOOKING WORSE AND WORSE BY THE DAY, MORE FULL OF CRAP THAN JOY BAYHAR AFTER A NIGHT OF SCOTCH AND TACO BELL. HER BEING NAMED JOY IS LIKE ME BEING NAMED UGLY. JOY WAS NOT THERE ON THE SHOW? APPARENTLY MONDAYS ARE HER DAY OFF WHEN SHE FEEDS IN THE PASTURE.

THE MOTIVE STUNK WORSE THAN JOY BEHAR’S JOG BRA, ASSUMING SHE HAS JOGS. OH, WAIT, THERE SHE IS! SHE HAS A POINT. MAYBE I AM OBSESSED, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE OBSESSED WITH BIG FOOT AND THEY DON’T GET TO SEE HIM ON TV EVERY AFTERNOON! AND IF THEY DO, COULD THEY TELL THE TWO APART?

I DON’T KNOW! BUT, YEAH, IT’S TRUE. I’M OBSESSED WITH HER THE WAY A MONGOOSE IS OBSESSED WITH SNAKES BUT I’M OBSESSED WITH A LOT OF THINGS. THIS SUCKS HARDER THAN BRIAN ON A DUCK FAT SLURPEE. THROWN MORE SHADE HIS WAY THAN STELTER DOES SITTING ON A SNOW GLOBE.

I’VE NOT SEEN THAT VIOLENT OF REACTION SINCE BRIAN STELTER WAS SHORTED A MCNUGGET IN HIS HAPPY MEAL. THEY’RE RACING TO THE BOTTOM FASTER THAN BRIAN STELTER EATING A CAN OF CONCENTRATED TOMATO PASTE. ALLEGED TO BE MORE CARELESS WITH GUNS THAN STELTER IS WITH CARBS. WHAT ABOUT THIS FAD FAVORITE? THIS IS KALA LEMIEUX?

HERE SHE IS ALONG WITH HER FRIENDS, BRIAN AND STELTER. I WONDER IF AIRLINES MAKE HER CHECK THOSE THINGS. THOSE BOOBS COULD BE THEIR OWN COUNTRY. THE SCHOOL BOARD STILL STANDS BEHIND THE TEACHER. NO OTHER CHOICE. IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT OF A WATER EMERGENCY LANDING, YOUR SHOP TEACHER COULD BE USED AS A

FLOTATION DEVICE. IF THEY WERE STATES, THEY’D BE WORTH 98 ELECTORAL VOTES. THIS STORY IS GETTING BIGGER AND BOUNCIER. BROOKS SO BIG YOU’LL NEED A SHERPA TO CLIMB THEM. WHEN STUDENTS SAW THE SHADOWS, THAT MEANT SIX MORE WEEKS OF DOORKNOBS. YOU, JOY, ARE RIGHT UP THERE WITH WHAT I’M OBSESSED WITH.

I’D LOVE TO HAVE YOU ON MY SHOW SOMETIME. WE’LL STOCK THE GREEN ROOM WITH YOUR FAVORITE FROZEN MICE. THAT’S WHAT YOU FEED ‘EM. KAT, ARE YOU SURPRISED THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THIS SHOW WAS? >> UM, NO. I’M ALSO NOT SURPRISED THAT THERE’S ONE PART OF THE VIDEO FROM THE SHOW YESTERDAY YOU LEFT

OUT. >> Greg: OH, REALLY? >> YEAH. CAN WE ROLL THAT, PLEASE? >> I DON’T WANT TO SHOW THAT MUCH BUT I’VE SEEN — >> WHO IS THAT? >> GREG GUTFELD IS ONE OF THE HOSTS OF THE FIVE — IF I DON’T SAY ANYTHING NICE, I WON’T SAY

IT THE SHOW SHOULD BE CALLED KAT TIMPF BECAUSE SHE’S THE FUNNY ONE ON IT. >> Greg: SOMEBODY’S FLIRTING WITH LITTLE KAT OVER HERE. >> SHE’S THE REPUBLICAN ONE AT THE TABLE, BUT I JUST THINK AS A LIBERTARIAN, I’M ALWAYS LOOKING TO FIND COMMON GROUND WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY

SHARES MY POLITICS SO I FIND SOME COMMON GROUND ON “THE VIEW” WHERE SHE THINKS I’M FUNNY AND I AGREE. >> Greg: THERE YOU GO. TYRUS, DO YOU THINK IT’S A GOOD STRATEGY ON BEHALF OF THEVIEW TO PRETEND WE DON’T EXIST WHEN WE KNOW THEY KNOW THEY EXIST. >> THAT’S A BRILLIANT IDEA.

I DO IT ALL THE TIME. >> Greg: YEAH. >> GUTFELD? SORRY. NOT RINGING A BELL. >> Greg: YOU SAY THAT AT THE AIRPORT. >> REALLY? I SIT NEXT TO HIM? REALLY? NO. THIS IS WHAT ELITISTS DO THAT CAN’T — IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO SOMEONE S HOW DID YOU KNOW TO

AUTOMATICALLY HATE HIM? THAT’S HOW FAKE AND FULL OF SLEEP SHE IS. GUTFELD? NEVER HEARD OF HIM. DON’T LIKE HIM. WHY? ‘CAUSE. ‘CAUSE WHY? THAT’S WHEN I TURN TO ONE OF MY KIDS. ‘CAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS. NEVER HEARD OF HIM MY ENTIRE LIFE. ‘CAUSE WHY? ‘CAUSE I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE

THEY’RE THE LAST TV SHOW TO TALK ABOUT HIGH TURNOVER. WE’VE BEEN REALLY THREE STEADY FOR A LONG TIME. WE DON’T TAKE BREAKS IN THE COMMERCIAL TO GET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. WELL, THAT’S WHAT THE DRINKING’S FOR. AND, MAN, MEGAN MCCAIN, HOW’D THAT GO? ROSY O’DONNELL? ANY OF THESE PREVIOUS FELLOW

EMPLOYEES — BECAUSE ONE OF THE THINGS THEY SAID IS THAT NO ONE WALKS AWAY FROM MONEY. SO THEY GOT PEOPLE RUNNING AWAY FROM IT OVER THERE. SO OTHER THAN THE OCCASIONAL PERSON WHO’S PLAYING SICK HOME FROM SCHOOL AND LEAVES THE TV ON, THEY KNOW WHO EVERYONE IS ESPECIALLY EVERYONE WHO IS BEATING THEM.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. BILL MAYOR DID IT, TOO — MAHER DID IT, TOO. THAT’S THE THING ACROSS-THE-BOARD WITH THIS SHOW AND THIS SUCCESS. IF THEY DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE IT, IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. TO COIN THE PHRASE, ACKNOWLEDGE US. THEY KNEW KAT WAS FUNNY. HOW’D THEY FIGURE THAT OUT? OTHER THAN READING HER BOOK,

GOING TO ONE OF HER LIVE EVENTS OR WATCHING HER FIVE NIGHTS A WEIGHT WEEK ON THE GUTFIELD SHOW. THEY SEEM CHEAP TO ME. I’M SURE THAT THEY JUST WATCHED IT. >> Greg: ERIN, YOU’RE A WOMAN. DO YOU KNOW ANY WOMEN WHO WATCH “THE VIEW”? BECAUSE I, YOU KNOW, MOST OF MY

FRIENDS ARE WOMEN BUT NONE OF THEM WATCH “THE VIEW.” >> I DON’T KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO WATCH “THE VIEW.” I WORKED ON THE HILL AT THE SAME TIME AS ALYSSA SO I’VE KNOWN ALYSSA FOR YEARS, BUT THIS SPEAKS TO THE LARGER ISSUE WITH THEVIEW, RIGHT? BARBARA WALTERS STARTED THE

PROGRAM TO HAVE DESCENDING VIEWS. YOU WOULD GET INTO FIGHTS. YOU COULDN’T GET UP FROM THE TERRIBLE. SHE WANTED FIERCE DIALOGUE. NOW, THEY’RE SAYING THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR SHOW, ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR, IF NOT THE MOST POPULAR SHOW IN LATE NIGHT. HOW’S THAT SPEAK TO “THE VIEW”? THEY’RE NOT LOOKING FOR DESCENT

OR OTHER OPINION OR OPPORTUNITY. THEY WANT ONE. IF THEY DON’T AGREE WITH YOUR VIEW, THEY SHOUT YOU DOWN AND BOO YOU OFF THE SHOW. THEY DO IT TO ANY REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WHO GOES ON THAT SHOW. THEY REGULARLY INTERRUPT AND BOO. THAT’S WHY PEOPLE MY AGE DON’T WATCH THAT SHOW VERY OFTEN OR AT

ALL. I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER WATCHED IT EXCEPT FOR WHEN A CANDIDATE IS ON IT. >> Greg: YEAH, I’VE ONLY WATCHED IT — OK. I WATCH IT EVERY MORNING, BUT, YOU KNOW, PETE, THE ACTING WAS TERRIBLE IN THAT SEGMENT. IT WAS LIKE BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN WHEN MEGAN FOX DUMPED HIM AND HE

WAS LIKE “NO BIG DEAL” AND HE WAS SELF-MUTILATING IN A CAMPER. >> HE WAS ACTING. JOY BEHAR SPENDS HER NIGHTS WITH A BUCKET FULL OF CHICKEN WINGS CRYING HERSELF TO SLEEP SCROLLING VIDEOS OF YOU MAKING FUN OF HER. WHICH ONE IS MORE LIKELY? PROBABLY THE LATTER. PROBABLY THE LATTER.

>> Greg: SECOND HAND THAT SHE’S — SHE KNOWS WHO I AM BECAUSE PEOPLE TELL HER THE INSULTS. >> NO DOUBT. >> Greg: “GREG SAID THIS THE OTHER DAY.” SHE’S LIKE, “WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? GET HIM OFF THE AIR!” NO. NO. WHOOPI IS THE ONE THAT DOESN’T LIKE THE JEWS.

WHICH ONE DOESN’T LIKE THE JEWS? I GET CONFUSED. >> I’M NOT TAKING THAT BAIT. >> Greg: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ONE OF THEM DOESN’T LIKE THE JEWS. NO, THEY KEEP APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING ABOUT JEWS. THEN THEY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE SOMETHING ABOUT CHRISTIANS. THEY OFFEND EVERYBODY. >> THEY’RE ALWAYS OFFENDING SOMEBODY.

BUT TYRUS IS RIGHT. THIS IS THEIR STRATEGY. LIKE, HUNTER BIDEN? WE DON’T KNOW HIM? WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT HIS LAPTOP. EVERYTHING IS FINE THERE

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