The Case for Staying Married to a Spouse You Cannot Stand

Intro

Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, but what happens when you cannot stand your spouse? This is a question that many married couples may grapple with at some point in their relationship. In today’s society, where divorce is common and celebrated, the idea of staying married to someone despite intense feelings of dislike or even hatred seems unfathomable. But could divorce be even worse than staying with a spouse you cannot stand? In this article, we will explore why staying married might be a better option than divorce.

The Reality of Marriage

Marriage is complicated, imperfect, and messy. It is not always a constant state of bliss, and disagreements and conflicts are inevitable. In many cultures, marriages are arranged, and couples learn to love each other over time. While this might seem outdated in our modern world, it is worth considering that the expectation of finding your soulmate and living happily ever after may be unrealistic.

The Danger of Divorce

Divorce is often seen as the solution to a failing marriage, but it comes with significant risks. Statistics show that divorce increases one’s likelihood of living in poverty and can be particularly burdensome for single mothers. Remarriages also have a higher chance of ending in divorce than first marriages, making it difficult to find a long-term solution to marital problems. Although divorce might seem like a logical end to discontent, it is worth considering the long-term consequences.

Rethinking Marriage

Some experts suggest that it is time to rethink the foundational tenets of a successful marriage. The Gottman Method, a scientifically-based marital therapy developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, is one example of a new approach to marriage. According to John Gottman, a fulfilling marriage is one where two spouses choose to have coffee and pastries together on a Saturday afternoon and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. It is not about fixing each other’s childhood wounds or having mind-blowing sex. Instead, it is about finding joy in everyday moments.

My Personal Experience

As someone who has been married for 19 years, I can attest to the ups and downs of marriage. My husband and I come from a Hasidic community where marriages are arranged, and love often grows over time. However, there were times when I could not stand the thought of staying married to my husband. We went through a dark period where we fought constantly, and our hatred for each other was all-consuming. But we stayed together, and I am glad we did. We emerged from that dark period stronger and more committed to each other.

Related Facts

• One in five marriages and intimate partnerships are abusive and should be ended as soon as safely possible.
• Divorce increases one’s risk of living in poverty. According to the Census Bureau’s 2016 survey, divorced individuals are more likely to live in poverty than married individuals.
• Remarriages have a higher chance of ending in divorce than first marriages.

Key Takeaway

Marriage is not always a constant state of bliss, and disagreements and conflicts are inevitable. Divorce might seem like the logical solution to a failing marriage, but it comes with significant risks. Staying married to a spouse you cannot stand might seem unfathomable, but it is worth considering the long-term consequences of divorce. Instead of expecting perfection from our marriage, we should focus on finding joy in everyday moments.

Conclusion

Staying married to a spouse you cannot stand might seem like an unpopular choice, but it is worth considering the long-term consequences of divorce. Marriage is complicated and imperfect, and conflicts are inevitable. Instead of expecting perfection from our marriage, we should focus on finding joy in everyday moments. The Gottman Method is one example of a new approach to marriage, where fulfillment is found in simple moments of companionship. While divorce might seem like a logical end to discontent, it is worth rethinking the foundational tenets of a successful marriage.